I'm haunted.

by these shivers, of up and down, up and down.
and I thought I might have had enough liquid courage to open my mouth,
and I did. but I didn't get all the answers.
he'll never give me all the answers. he is more of a messed up ball of string then I am.
and so manly.
he's so god damn manly.
with his confused ideas,
and his strong ways.

I don't think the man is ready for me.

I can't really make you love me,

I can't.
actually I don't know who you are, but I am haunted by your face and the hope that some day you'll show up.

I am too sweet to be lonely.
arent I?

crawling out

I am crawling out of my bad stage.
Leaving it behind and I move beyond it and all the feelings I have
Like I can't
And I won't
I am crawling out,
and leaving behind
everything
as the summer was my prince
sweeping me back on my feet
in the fall he left me ( the prince that is, who is nothing in reality but a metaphor for my life)
but I have a feeling he will come back,
the prince crawling and begging me to be better.

i wish i was drunk tonight

I am just about to reach my breaking point.
just about to cry with the crapness of my life.
How much more can things be terrible for me
and it's not even like I am joking when I say that
every
little
fucking thing is going wrong

my health is shit
my money is shit
I'm being used by a man for more than one thing.
I am doing terrible in my course
I am struggling at life
I sometimes what to punch everyone around me

nothing can make this place seem right tonight

bob dylan and coffee thoughts

I quit smoking.
over a month ago.
So when I want to reflect,
it's only you now blog.

It's a thoughtful morning.
I looked up pictures on facebook of my first love,
he got married in the summer.
I heard it, but I guess I never really registered it.

It kind of feels like I am stuck behind everyone else,
and they get the smiling bike ride and the beautiful balloons.

sometimes I feel like I am lost, and I won't be found.
Sometimes I feel like I am right where I am supposed to be.

I'm holding on to hope, that I am doing what is right.
for me.
for now.

what's the big idea?

I think,
if you only have a little hold on something,
it's easy to slip off and forget you ever existed.
down, deep deep deep, into the death of everything that ever never really mattered.

other numbers are buzzing

who cares if yours was special?