When I see you in the hall.
I want to punch your stupid winking eye ,
hard with my angry red fist.
Why are you pretending we are friends?
Why do you act like this is something that is okay.
Maybe you don't feel.
Or maybe your feelings are all used up.
But I am fresh
and bleeding.

sunday night shakedown

tried to make some positive changes today,
slowly,
creeping into a happier healthier person.
that's good right?

does that mean I have to let you go with it?
you have almost let yourself go anyways.
slowly slipping away,

does that make it easier for you?

sometimes I feel like I should be angry it did not work out.
sometimes I felt like I knew what I was getting myself into the whole time.
other times,
I think for a second that maybe for a second I thought it could work,
like I would be the bright shinning thing that saved you.
Pulled you into happiness.

I guess,
again.
It was not the time.

maybe I should have mentioned that I was not built for this kind of loving

I feel like you are slipping away from me.
I am slowing losing you,
although I never had you at all.
did I ever have you all?

did your eyes ever burn into mine? or did I imagine that.
Did you ever feel like maybe you could have loved me? or did I make that up.

Is the pull I thought I had on you no pull at all?
Did I make the whole thing up like a bad fucking dream that I can't believe I ever started dreaming.

Maybe I should have mentioned that I was not built for this type of loving.
thanks Julie Dorian,
you always understand me.

you don't exist if I don't see you

I want to be wanted.
I look cute in your necklace and a nighty
people would want me
why don't you want me?

I don't need a throphy

but I want you to turn and look at me.
I want to be kissed the moment I wake up.
The way you kissed me while the fireworks went off.
The passion in your eyes then.
I want to know it's around all the time.
hell
I need to know that your offer is even on the table.
is it on the table?

are you going to be mine,
or are you just dragging me in further and further.