i wish i had a julia childs kinda hat

I would like to wear fancy hats and have some fun and go to courdan bleu school.
I am wondering if there is anything else out there,
or people out there,
but then again I realize everyone is out there,
and everyone is feeling the same way,
at some point,
at some moment,
they feel the same way.

my brother was visiting, off the crab boat.
I can just imagine, his broad bony shoulders coming up over the head of the boat,
lifting heavy crabs out of the water
almost falling in
and i wonder
what he is thinking
and I wonder
if he is not scared.
he pretends to be not scared.
but he always does.
I wonder
how the wheels move in his small head.

I am some kind of woman

weird things keep happening to me, or I feel like they are happening to me.
I don't know.
He looks at me, he does not look at me.
He looks like he wants to kiss me and then he does not kiss me.

another tells me he loves me, but he does not love me.
what do I want?
what am I doing?

anothers eyes I let fall on my, even though it disgusts me.
but he does things for me,
he pretends I am real.